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alever YOU Do,
Don't Reaal This!
     I remember a poster I once saw while standing on a railway platform
in Britain. The poster showed a multiple sclerosis patient in a wheelchair.
The text read: "You can walk away from this poster. He can't." That
clever statement creates a real dilemma2. By walking away (as everyone
eventually would), the reader confirms the truth of the message.
      Dilemmas like these, from which we cannot escape, are called
"double binds3''. Social psychologist Gregory Bateson, who invented the
term. used double-bind theory to explain and also to treat a number of
psychological disorders.
      Here's an example. A worried mother asked the great psychotherapist
 Milton Erickson to treat her eight-year-old son, who was still sucking his
 thumb. Erickson explained to the boy that thumb-sucking was perfectly
 OK. He should continue doing it. But not only that: the boy should suck
 all his fingers. This unexpected permission placed the boy in a double
 bind from which he could not escape. He could either accept a higher
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 authority or give up his habit. After sucking his fingers for a few more
weeks, he stopped completely.
      Double binds are also used in politics. Just about 82 years ago,
most women in Turkey wore veils. Turkey's revolutionary leader, Kemal
Atatiirk4, quickly put an end to this practice. He issued an edict which said
that "prostitutes must wear veils". This placed Turkish women in a double
bind. By wearing veils, they would be affiliating themselves with a
highly questionable group; but by showing their faces, they'd be giving
up a centuries-old tradition--which they eventually did.
     I once gave a talk at the British Council on double binds in language
teaching. I gave it the title "Don't Come to This Workshop!" So many
people registered that I had to hold the seminar twice.
     This also suggests a clever way to avoid conflict. Next time you
need to give bad news to someone, say something like this first: "Bob,
I expect you to be rather angry when I tell you this; but anyway..." Your
partner is placed in the double bind of either being angry, which you said
would happen ("See, I told you so!"), or not being angry and allowing
you to have influenced his reaction. Try it. You'll be surprised how often
it works.
     Here's a wonderful party trick involving a double bind. All you need
is a box of matches, a 100 euro banknote, and an unsuspecting friend.
Show the box and the money to your friend and explain that he can win
100 euros by answering "matches" to every question you ask. Should he
hesitate, or say any other word, he loses. Ask him if he understands. If he
says "yes", you say, "You lost. You should have said 'matches'." You're a
nice person, so you give him a second chance. Here's how it goes: